Many women need to take sexual arousal into their own hands. Literally.

That’s the advice of Pamela Madsen, Women’s Liberator Extraordinaire. She’s radical about changing the way women perceive their sexual selves. And practical about they can do it.

pam madsen

So here’s my edited version of Pamela Madsen’s advice to women on getting in touch with arousal. It’s a great first step on becoming a sexually vibrant woman. (After, I’ll give you an equivalent exercise for men. Yes, I know, most men are as hard to arouse as baboons in heat. But we’re often out of touch with the sexual energy driving us, which handicaps us as lovers.)

Here’s Pam’s advice for women on getting in touch with arousal:

“So how do you get started? It’s really simple…You need to put your attention on your genitals. Start slow and easy, when you’re alone and there’s privacy.
Wear your clothes or don’t. Whatever makes you comfortable.

In a comfortable seated position, feet firmly on the floor, cup your vulva, palm up, from the front with your fingertips pointing back. With eyes closed, start rocking your pelvis back and forth.

Focus your attention on the sensations generated by your vulva filling your hand , your muscles clenching and releasing, your pelvis rocking If you’re feeling adventurous, throw in some Kegels, squeezing and releasing your pelvic floor.

As your awareness of sensation increases–and it will– let yourself move and lean into the rock. KEEP BREATHING.

When you feel heat rising, when you start to feel pleasure, you’ve arrived…(at) arousal.”

To get more of Pam’s advice go here:

And now, for the men:

As a man, be the one who helps re-write a woman’s experience of her body and heart. Facilitate, her being wide open, with her body a firehose of sexual pleasure. If you do, do you think you’ll ever have a problem getting enough sex? Do you think the woman you do this for will continue to nag you, control you or change you? (Well, maybe she will a little bit—old habits are hard to break.)

But this is your chance to be her knight in shining armor, a still-potent archetype, even with all confusion men feel about how women want to be treated.

For men, a similar first step to getting in touch with your sexual energy is to massage your “million dollar point” (MDP).

This term was coined by Taoist Master Mantak Chia. He notes in ancient times Emperors would pay Taoist teachers the equivalent of a million dollars to learn how to work with this point for health and longevity.

Master Mantak Chia

The MDP point can be found about a half-inch in front of your anus. Here’s how to massage it:

In the shower, lather up the space between your anus and your balls. Bend forward. Rest the middle finger of your dominant hand lightly on your anus, then slide the finger from your anus toward your scrotum. Press in hard as the finger comes off the anus, and within an inch it will “dip into” an indentation.

If you press you’ll be able to push your middle finger into this depression at least up to your first knuckle. Let your index and third fingers rest to the sides of your middle finger, which is pressed into the million dollar point.

Now take the index, middle and third fingers of your left hand and press them on top of the middle finger you’re using to massage the MDP. This will allow you to press your finger in further, and give you better control.

Begin rubbing your fingers around, pressing in, massaging the point. As you do you will probably feel the beginnings of arousal. It may feel like a tingle. Or just a pleasant sensation. The tip of your middle finger will actually be massaging your prostate gland from the outside, which usually feels good.

Spend a minute massaging this spot, then stop and stand up straight with good posture, eyes closed. Concentrate on the spot and the area around it. This might be your first experience of feeling what sexual energy feels like when it is just becoming activated.

You’ll build on this. Eventually you’ll be able to pull this energy up into your body, away from your penis, “letting off some steam” that will allow you to control your ejaculations.

Dr. Leonard